Please don't say it...

 READER BEWARE.

 I sat down and started writing as my heart was breaking for a young mother who never got to know her son.  I used to work with her and I saw on Facebook where she gave birth to her 9-ounce baby boy, who was "born" into heaven.  I was thinking about how awfully sad that is and how my heart breaks for her.  Yes, I too have buried my child but this is not the same; I do not know how that mother feels or what she is going through.  We each have a unique story.  Words just continued to flow onto my laptop and below is what I ended up with.  As I reread my entry, I thought, "I cannot post this.  It is very real and very raw."

However, people have told me time and again how they enjoy my blog; how they appreciate that I'm transparent and that I write from my heart.  This is definitely me being completely transparent and this comes from a very deep place in my heart.  You may appreciate it.  You may not.  Either way, this is me.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

What do you say and not say to someone who has "lost" a loved one???? I really do not like that term. Yes, I'm temporarily without Morgan, but I have not lost her; I know exactly where she is and I'll be with her again....

I know it's hard to find the right words for people like me.... people who have endured such sorrow.  So maybe this will help some you.  There are NO RIGHT WORDS.  There is nothing you can say to help.  Nothing you can say to make me feel better, or to make the pain go away, so please just know that. I don't expect you to say something profound, or earth-shattering that will make everything ok.  I don't even attempt to try and say the right thing to other bereaved mothers; it just is not possible.

When you try and say something you think helps, in reality, it probably makes things worse.  I am not trying to be harsh and cold-hearted; I am just hoping to help you understand things better.  God did not need her more than I did.  Come one, that makes no sense.  And no, trust me, you do not know how I feel.... because your dog died, because your brother died, or because your grandma died.  Again, I'm not being harsh and I am not diminishing your loss, but IT IS DIFFERENT.  I do not know you feel. You do not know how I feel.

I (try to) never tell anyone that I know how they feel.  I love my animals like they are my children, but it is not the same.  I haven't yet had a sibling to pass away, so I do not know how that feels, but it is not the same.  All four of my grandparents have passed away.... it is not the same.  My parents and my spouse are all still alive, so again, I do not know how that feels, but I promise you, it is not the same.

I have met and I know many bereaved parents. Some of those mothers have had a miscarriage; some have unfortunately given birth to infants that never breathed breath for this life.  I have met parents who have lost young children to rare diseases; babies that passed away with cancer; teens that thought the only answer was suicide; young adult children who were murdered by a jilted lover.  I have met bereaved mothers whose son or daughter passed away at an age older than me due to various reasons.  Do you know what?  It does not matter.   I still do not know how that mother feels and she does not know how I feel.

Do you have a teenage daughter who once suffered low self-esteem?  Have you watched her grow into a young lady who loved the Lord and learned what it meant to respect herself and love herself, and be a leader on her soccer team and stand up to peer pressure in various situations?  Have you caught your daughter doing her Bible study and praying when that was her choice?  Did you watch her find her first true love, the person that she thought was "her person," and then watch her get her heart broken?  Have you laid in bed next to your 16-year-old, who is crying and wanting to know why it hurts so bad? Did you watch her struggle, trying to figure out life, walking around being sad, for weeks.... just weeks before her life was altered in ways we could not imagine.... and months before she met her Savior? You do not know how I feel... 

Sometimes I do not know how I feel.  I live, I cry, I laugh, I get angry, I celebrate and then I want to know WHY, God? all over again.  This is the most tumultuous cycle of emotions I can't even describe.  I have been dealing with deep depression over the last few months, but I am determined that this will not break me.  I am digging (with God's help, do not get me wrong) out of the deep, miry clay and I will stand victorious!  But this is hard, people.  HARD.  Just because life continues and there are happy, happy moments in life, I will miss that girl every single day, and I'm still waiting for the day that the weight of grief and sorrow get lighter.  I don't want your pity.  Believe me, I carry enough self-pity around for all of you.  I want your prayers, and your love, and your hugs....

Lauren Daigle, "To Know Me"

https://youtu.be/cWQGJAhjFRc?si=yKndajr1Dr_1VLvz