I Didn't Have A Choice

 As humans, we have so many choices. As free humans, living in America, we have so many more choices.  Do I want BBQ Lays or Sour Cream and Onion Lays?  Which show do I want to binge-watch next? Do I want the peanut butter cookie or the chocolate chip cookie?  Yes, I know those are very simple examples, just to make a point.  God gave humans free-will.  Will I follow God and the plans He has for my life, or will I choose a life of sin?  Also a simple choice; very different consequences!  America gave humans freedom of religion (among other things). Do I want to be Catholic, Protestant, Jehovah's Witness, Mormon, or do I want to create a religion all my own?  Nevertheless, all choices that we have the right, as humans and Americans, to make for ourselves.

Lives get complicated. So many choices. What to I want to wear today? What do I want to eat for lunch today? For dinner tonight? Where will I send my kids to school, or will we home-school them?  Where to go for college?  What kind of degree?  And so on.....  The more freedom we have, the more choices.

As humans, once we are born into this life, we live for a short period of time (comparatively). We live. We die.  No choice.  As soon as you're born, you start dying, don't waste the moments in between.  Maybe you've hear that saying.  You've also heard that in this life, only two things are certain - taxes and death.

People ask me all the time, "How do you do it?" or they say, "You are so strong, I just don't know how you do it?"  Listen.  I did not have a choice.  Death is certain.  When Morgan's life on this earth was yanked out from under us, I DID NOT HAVE A CHOICE.  Yes, I could have crawled into bed and stayed there for an eternity.  It felt like I did.  It felt like I could not breathe.  Yes, sometimes it still does.  Yes, sometimes I hit a brick wall and I fall into an abyss of nothingness until I catch my breath again.  But God is Good.

Wow, did I, Carla McAlexander, just say that?!  YES, God is good!!  Do you know how long it took me say that after Morgan was gone?  Do you know how long it took me to realize that just because my heart was broken in half and I felt like I was dying inside that GOD IS STILL GOOD!!  Friends, it was not overnight.  This is a life journey and wounds take time to heal.  I am still healing.  No, I have no idea how long it will take or if I will ever feel completely healed because I am human.  But I know that I did not have a choice.  This was NOT MY CHOICE.  I was simply surviving and it took me a long time to start living again.  And I did not do that without a loving family, an awesome support system and God.

Someone needs to hear this.  I have not written a blog in a long time because I have not been in a good place to write anything.  But I sat down tonight and started writing.  This is God's message to someone out there who needs to read this.  God loves you and HE IS GOOD!

Morgan is ALIVE! She is happy, She is beautiful and She is waiting for her Mamma! <3