Unspoken Words
Here we are. January 1st of another year. I'm sure somewhere back in the 1980s somewhere, I never dreamed I would be ushering in the year 2023. I'm sure back in the 1980s somewhere, I never gave it much thought! haha. But here I am. 50 years old, married (31 years) to my high school sweetheart, watching our 28-yr-old son adulting out in the "real" world, and mourning the separation from our precious Morgan Rae, we ran ahead of us to Heaven in 2015.
Life just doesn't always turn out the way we think it will. Or the way we think it SHOULD. And definitely not the way we want...
As I was preparing for church this January 1st, 2023 morning, I was thinking about Morgan - as I often do. I was thinking about New Year resolutions and New Year well-wishes and such. I thought (as many people have, I'm sure), "If I could just be with you for 5 more minutes. I mean, if I could even just have two more minutes...." and I stopped myself to think really, what? What would you say if you had two, or even less than two minutes with her.
And this is what I discovered. Yes, we are all busy and YES, when someone goes away we will ALWAYS wish we had spent more time with them. But that isn't what came to mind. I would not waste ONE SECOND of my time regretting, or apologizing.
I want her to know, to hear it from me.....
"Morgan,
My sweet, precious Morgan. Momma is so proud of you. Despite any failings your father and I might have had, God took our efforts in raising you the best we could and HE made you into something beautiful, and amazing and you are someone whose light shown brighter than any star. Your laughter could filter through a crowded room and shatter any sadness. Your hug could melt away a bad day and you were definitely the reason a lot of people smiled on whatever day they needed to smile. You did it, sweet girl. You won the race. You are home and we are so very proud of you!!"
.png)
I still remember where she sat one Sunday morning on the left-hand side of the sanctuary, halfway up, in the middle of the row. She was rocking her knee high boots with lace out the top. I remember thinking how she just seemed like a very vibrant spot in the room, so I guess I saw what you are talking about. Then she hurried up to you after church asking about something exciting she was wanting to do...impossible to say no to.
ReplyDeleteI can’t help but think how now that I’m older than I can believe, lol, I still feel like the same person I always was, and I know I will always feel like “me”. You did get to know the person Morgan was, she had really blossomed into herself that last year or so. It was the person I think she would have always felt herself to be. So, while you didn’t have the privilege of walking the road of life with her through all your days, and we all know how much fun that would have been, I do believe you had her long enough to REALLY know her. It was obvious how close you were. I’m sure you can visualize the adult woman she would have become, the wife and mother she probably would have been, and I bet it would be pretty accurate. It a strange way maybe you can even cherish memories you didn’t actually get to live out, if that makes any sense.
My dads been gone awhile now but he is still with me every day, I still pretty much know how he would respond to any situation. We really had said it all.
Love and prayers as you walk through this next year.
Pam, thank you so much for your sweet words. They ring true and put a smile on my face this morning 💗 I do believe we had a glimpse of the woman she would have become. It would have been phenomenal to watch her grow into that woman 💗
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete