My Take on the Matter

 I've had a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my head lately. Sometimes at night, when I can't sleep, I'll write an entire blog in my mind.  Yes, I should probably get up and start typing but I don't.  Then, when I try to sit down and form those thoughts into something rational, it never happens.  I can't seem to put all those jumbled thoughts into something meaningful a second time.

I've been thinking a lot about grief.  Not mine, in particular, but yes, my own grief does influence how I view grief, of course.  I cannot have an opinion about it without including my own experience.  I do not feel like I am an expert in the dealings of grief, or how one should navigate through their own experience.  We are each experts in our field, I suppose - those of you who have experienced the passing of a mother or father, those of us grieving the loss of a child, or sibling, or grandparent.  It is different for each of us, with a lot of factors that play into that grief.  Our relationship with that person and the circumstances surrounding their passing.  I don't even know how one becomes an "expert" in a field such as grief.

How is it that one person can tell us how to feel or act, or how long something will last?  Even if there is a person out there who has grieved the loss of each and every person on the list....  will that person feel the same as I do?  Probably not.  

Grief is defined as a mental suffering or distress that is caused by loss or affliction, sharp sorrow, or painful regret.

First of all, I disagree with the fact that grief can be defined at all.  Secondly, I disagree with the definition completely.  Yes, grief is a mental suffering but this definition of grief has completely left out the physical aspect of grief.  For me, at least, there is physical pain that goes along with it.  The physical aching of my heart, the sickness in the pit of my stomach and the weight that I could physically feel pushing down on my shoulders was and is as real as the mental aspect of suffering and distress that is caused by loss.

Seven stages of grief..... Seriously???  I read this and I'm quoting, "it's important to understand that it is a natural emotion and going through the grief process [emphasis added] is a healthy way of dealing with loss."  The grief process?  Again, seriously??  There is no PROCESS!!!  These are the "stages" that this article identifies: 

1. Shock and Denial - yes!

2. Pain and Guilt - yes!

3. Anger and Bargaining - yes!

4. Depression, Reflection and Loneliness - yes!

5. The Upward Turn - yes..

6. Reconstruction and Working Through - sure

7. Acceptance - yes

BUT....  here's the thing, you do not necessarily take these steps in order and POOF! be done.  Once you hit acceptance, it doesn't mean you will never cycle back to pain and guilt, or anger and bargaining, or even depression and loneliness!!!  This is not a PROCESS; this is not a one and done.  This is a never-ending CYCLE!!!!  This is a life-long journey and you cannot walk this journey by yourself.  Or at least, I cannot.  I have been extremely fortunate to have a loving and supportive family, church family and friends.  Kevin and I also have our While We're Waiting support family and that has been a lifeline for us.  Please, do not try to walk this journey alone.  You are NOT alone.

I understand that there are some people who are not like me.  They do not view death like me and they do not carry it with them like I do.  I think that is awesome.  As I have said many, many times - people are different and they deal with grief many different ways.  God created us to be different, and I love each and every one of you!!

I know this blog wasn't necessarily for everyone, but maybe it helps you understand grief a little bit better.  For yourself, for a family member, for a friend.  Have a Happy Monday and God Bless!

While We're Waiting - https://whilewerewaiting.org/