The Untamed Beast

 There are lots of untamed beasts in this world.  In my opinion, the most brutal of them all is grief.  Yes, grief is a beast.  It is untamed, and it can rear its ugly head at any given time without a moment's notice.  It can punch you in the gut, chew you up and spit you out and leave you feeling like you have been mauled by the most horrific of animals.

That is how I feel anyway.  I'm sure not everyone feels the same way I do, and that is ok.  I have never lost a parent, a sibling, or a spouse.  I do not know what that feels like.  I have lost a child.  A teenager.  I have lost a teenager, to an accident.  A car accident that resulted in an acquired traumatic brain injury, which ultimately led to her passing on from this life, into the next.  My point is, I haven't lost an infant, or young child to cancer, or sickness or disease.  I haven't lost a child, or teenager, or adult child to drugs, or suicide or murder.  Every situation and everyone is different.  Each beast is different.

Kevin and I have a community of bereaved parents on Facebook that communicate about being a bereaved parent.  We speak openly, ask questions, make comments about our children, our lives after our children have passed on before us, our feelings.  Above all else, there is no judgement.  Do we share similar feelings?  Absolutely.  Do we have different feelings?  Absolutely.  Do we share similar questions and heartaches?  Absolutely.  Do we have different questions or heartaches?  Absolutely.

The one solitary thing I needed most after Morgan left us was that I was not alone.  The thoughts, the feelings, the emotions, the questions - everything running through my mind was not original to me.  So if you are a bereaved brother, sister, mother, father, son, daughter, anything,.... You are not alone.  One thing being born into this life can guarantee us is that we will not live forever and death has probably touched each and every one of us in a significant way.

I am not an expert on grief.  I grieve, yes. I grieve every day.  But I do not purport to be an expert by any means.  I cannot predict how you feel, what you will go through, how you will be affected today, tomorrow or in five or ten years.  I know me.  I know the gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, dream-diminishing and soul-crushing pain that comes along with a tragic death of teenager who is beautiful inside and outside, who has plans to live and lives to touch and dreams to fulfill.  I know that grief.  I know that beast.

I also know I would never get out of the bed, take a step, smile, sing a song, or live my life if it weren't for the grace of God.  He is mightier than the mightiest of beasts.  Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.  I believe that.  I lean on God every. single. day.  He puts a song in my heart and one day I'll be singing that song with Morgan.  God Bless You.

This is Morgan's Memaw, she loved and missed so much! She's singing with her now, in Heaven! 

Such a fun day at the Yankees game in Houston!  We all love and miss you, silly girl! <3