What I Know

What I know and what I don't know.  Not all of us are parents or grandparents. Yet. Or ever.  Some of us are sisters, some brothers, but not all of us have siblings.  Some of us have aunts and uncles, some of us are aunts and uncles, but not all of us.  What I do know is that every single one of us is and will always be someone's child.  If you were born, if you are alive, you are someone's child.

Many of you have seen this quote from Jay Neugeboren:

“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is.”

I have lost aunts and uncles, whom I love dearly and I miss them. I will always remember them.  I have lost my grandparents.  One grandfather before I was an infant; another when I was 9; and both grandmothers when I was an adult.  But I have never lost a sister (I have no brothers).  Both my parents are still alive, but my husband's step-mother and father are both deceased.  I saw the pain that was for Kevin.  I saw the pain it was for my children to lose a grandparent.  What I don't know is the personal pain of losing a parent.  What I don't know is the personal pain of losing a sibling.  So please understand that my intention is to never compare my pain to anyone else's pain.  All I know is my pain.  Because what I DO know is the pain of losing a child.  We all use the term "losing" and I use it as well because I don't like the other words.  However, I know exactly where Morgan is and therefore, she is not lost.  She found her way a very long time ago.  She died, but she is not dead.  Her body is dead, but she is more alive than she ever was here.

Morgan is my child, but she was God's child first.  She was created in His image; fearfully and wonderfully made, known by her Maker!  She was knit together in my womb!  I am blessed to be her mother.  You just cannot have that much love and then stop loving.

I've read a lot of quotes and articles about grief.  The grief "road," the "stages" or "levels" of grief.  One of my favorites: "Grief is not a disease that needs to be cured."  People grieving do not need to be FIXED!  We are not on a road, or going through stages.  We are navigating the rest of our lives the best way we know how.  We did not stop loving our children.  We did not magically stop thinking about them when they left us, and it would be impossible for us to stop talking about her.  To stop sharing stories about her.  To stop showing pictures of her.  Would you stop showing pictures of your child if she got a job and moved to China?  Out of sight, out of mind?  No!  No, you wouldn't.  I know it's not the same, but just try to imagine not seeing and talking to your child every single day.  Imagine that it is totally impossible.  Wouldn't you probably talk about that child more?  Sure.  Because you would miss that child beyond words.  That's us.  We miss her.  We still love her.  Our grief is our endless love trying to find an outlet.

This blog is for me to release my thoughts and my feelings, uncensored.  I speak for myself, no one else.  I speak freely, from the heart.  I want people to understand.  I'm not seeking sympathy.  Your prayers.  Yes, I will take your prayers- for me, my family, for bereaved parents everywhere.  Life is hard without our children.  Just be gentle.  Be Kind.  You never know what another person is going through in their lives.  I love you all so much.

I was telling someone just this week what a sassy little thing she was! 

I absolutely love this picture- she is the most beautiful angel I have ever seen!

Funny....

And Strong..

We love you, Morgan.

And we miss you so much. 💕