Happy "Whatever" Day!
Happy Easter. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Birthday. Happy 4th of July! Happy Holidays....
No. Not really. Have you ever looked up the definition of "happy?" 1. Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. 2. Fortunate and convenient.
So, being happy or having happiness is a feeling, or showing pleasure or contentment. It is not a state of mind, but a mere moment in time. I celebrate Easter and what it means for my soul; same for Christmas. But mostly, all of these happy "whatever" days are just .... days. One more day in my life with a member of my family so obviously missing. It is not something you get used to, or absently forget, and "special" days make it that much harder. I was talking to another mother about Mother's Day and how it would be so much easier if it was JUST a day. Oh yes, I remember the joys of being a first-time mom and then a second-time mom. I just simply did not understand the depth of love until I had my own children. Mother's Day has always been so glorious, knowing that I have a husband who honors me as the mother of his children, and two wonderful children who love me with all of their hearts (even though they didn't always show it!) - stuff dreams are made of, right?! Well, when one of the people who make that day so special is missing, the dream kind of turns into a nightmare. That doesn't mean I don't have moments of happiness. I have an amazing son! We text, we talk, we go to lunch and spend precious time together that I would never, ever take for granted. And, truth be told, I probably hover too much because he is the only child I have left in this world. I love him immensely and he gives me so much happiness!
This time of year is difficult for me. May used to be my favorite month of the year, of course, when I was younger because of my birthday. Now, it's just a day. Another day that I'm supposed to be "happy" and celebrate, and I do try! Life is for the living, right? But May is a hard month. Mother's Day, my dad's birthday, my birthday, Memorial Day (camping), my great-niece's birthday and now we have a new great-nephew. So much celebration. In May 2015, after Morgan's accident, we were in Atlanta and she was actually doing really good. She was in therapy, riding the bike, they would get her up walking in the lift, she was picking out colors, using the iPad. Some things are so hazy through those seven months, and some things are so clear. It was a day in May, her therapist was in our room and she was helping Morgan with motor skills for hygiene. She would hand Morgan a brush, to see if she knew that was for brushing her hair, those types of things. Something happened and the therapist tripped, almost falling. Morgan LAUGHED! I heard it, the therapist heard it, and we just looked at each other like, "Whaaat????" Morgan laughed, at something that was funny, at the appropriate time. Such progress. And then suddenly, last week of May, it all fell apart. It still takes my breath away.
In May 2016, Morgan should have been graduating high school. Instead, we had already been missing her for 10 long months. Now, it is May 2019 and I have been missing her for 3 years, 10 months and 16 days. So much has changed in the world around me, but yet sometimes I feel like I'm standing still. I'm not trying to be "debby-downer" today. The point is, you will not always be "happy" and that is okay. Happiness is fleeting. JOY is what you need. I went without my joy for a long time, not being able to smile or have fun without feeling guilty, or not being able to sing from my heart. I know that God has me tucked safely in His arms and that gives me JOY.
Nehemiah 8:10- Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the JOY of the Lord is your strength.
Mother's Day 2014
Morgan and mom painting together - we loved to go paint!!!
Yankees/Astros game in Houston-
No. Not really. Have you ever looked up the definition of "happy?" 1. Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. 2. Fortunate and convenient.
So, being happy or having happiness is a feeling, or showing pleasure or contentment. It is not a state of mind, but a mere moment in time. I celebrate Easter and what it means for my soul; same for Christmas. But mostly, all of these happy "whatever" days are just .... days. One more day in my life with a member of my family so obviously missing. It is not something you get used to, or absently forget, and "special" days make it that much harder. I was talking to another mother about Mother's Day and how it would be so much easier if it was JUST a day. Oh yes, I remember the joys of being a first-time mom and then a second-time mom. I just simply did not understand the depth of love until I had my own children. Mother's Day has always been so glorious, knowing that I have a husband who honors me as the mother of his children, and two wonderful children who love me with all of their hearts (even though they didn't always show it!) - stuff dreams are made of, right?! Well, when one of the people who make that day so special is missing, the dream kind of turns into a nightmare. That doesn't mean I don't have moments of happiness. I have an amazing son! We text, we talk, we go to lunch and spend precious time together that I would never, ever take for granted. And, truth be told, I probably hover too much because he is the only child I have left in this world. I love him immensely and he gives me so much happiness!
This time of year is difficult for me. May used to be my favorite month of the year, of course, when I was younger because of my birthday. Now, it's just a day. Another day that I'm supposed to be "happy" and celebrate, and I do try! Life is for the living, right? But May is a hard month. Mother's Day, my dad's birthday, my birthday, Memorial Day (camping), my great-niece's birthday and now we have a new great-nephew. So much celebration. In May 2015, after Morgan's accident, we were in Atlanta and she was actually doing really good. She was in therapy, riding the bike, they would get her up walking in the lift, she was picking out colors, using the iPad. Some things are so hazy through those seven months, and some things are so clear. It was a day in May, her therapist was in our room and she was helping Morgan with motor skills for hygiene. She would hand Morgan a brush, to see if she knew that was for brushing her hair, those types of things. Something happened and the therapist tripped, almost falling. Morgan LAUGHED! I heard it, the therapist heard it, and we just looked at each other like, "Whaaat????" Morgan laughed, at something that was funny, at the appropriate time. Such progress. And then suddenly, last week of May, it all fell apart. It still takes my breath away.
In May 2016, Morgan should have been graduating high school. Instead, we had already been missing her for 10 long months. Now, it is May 2019 and I have been missing her for 3 years, 10 months and 16 days. So much has changed in the world around me, but yet sometimes I feel like I'm standing still. I'm not trying to be "debby-downer" today. The point is, you will not always be "happy" and that is okay. Happiness is fleeting. JOY is what you need. I went without my joy for a long time, not being able to smile or have fun without feeling guilty, or not being able to sing from my heart. I know that God has me tucked safely in His arms and that gives me JOY.
Nehemiah 8:10- Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the JOY of the Lord is your strength.
Mother's Day 2014
Morgan and mom painting together - we loved to go paint!!!
Yankees/Astros game in Houston-
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