Please don't say it...

Hi my name is Carla McAlexander and this is the first entry of my brand new blog. I cannot tell you why I wanted to start this blog, other than a feeling.  I also cannot assume that if you are reading this, that you know me, or that you know my story.  My story is very different from a lot of people out there; different from a lot of mothers out there.  However, my story is also very similar to a lot of people; similar to a lot of other mothers.   I have no disillusions that people are interested in what I have to say, but I have a small glimmer of hope that people might be interested in the fact that you are not alone.  You see, for a long time I felt alone.  There were days that I felt like I was the only person in the world who had the thoughts that I was having; that I was the only wife who felt like her husband didn’t understand my feelings; the only mother who felt the utter shame and guilt and failure that I felt; and the only person who felt the sheer loneliness that I was feeling.  I am here to tell you that it just is not true.  As well as all the other people who feel the way you do, you are just not alone.  Whether you are a long-time Christian, a new Christian, a person teetering on the line between knowing if you believe in God or questioning His faithfulness and His love, or you have just given up on God all together, He has not given up on you.  He has not given up on us.  God is good.  Even when it doesn’t feel like it.  God loves you.  God is for you.  In the midst of the darkness, the pain, the grief, the loneliness, the pit of utter despair….